Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m an overthinker. Sometimes it’s just in the casual, “I like to be curious” kind of way. Other times, I’ll try to figure out what my dog is thinking even when he’s sleeping.

I used to roll my eyes at myself for this. But over time, and with some self-work, I’ve learned to reframe it. I’ve learned to retool my skill set. And now, as a therapist, that same overthinking that once kept me up at night? It’s also part of what makes me good at my job.

So Why Do We Overthink?

For many of us, overthinking helped us navigate unpredictable situations. So, it’s no surprise that it stuck around—it worked, for a while. It may have started as:

• Perfectionism: If I get it just right, I won’t disappoint anyone.

• People-pleasing: If I can anticipate what they need, I’ll stay safe and connected.

• Past experiences: Especially ones where inconsistency, criticism, or trauma taught us to stay five steps ahead—or else.

  
  

But just like anything done in excess, overthinking can be exhausting. You can lose control of your time, your peace of mind, and your presence. Before you realize it, you:

• Obsess over how you were perceived by someone instead of how you felt

• Question your decisions even after they’ve been made

• Miss the moment because your mind is stuck in replays

  
  

The Reframe: From Overthinking to Deep Listening

When you spend your days holding space for others, you notice just how much your ability to tune in, reflect, and notice the nuance can also show up in your own internal world. What once felt like mental looping has, over time, become a kind of deep listening. You learn that overthinking doesn’t have to be the enemy.

Yes, it can lead to spirals and second-guessing. But it can also make you incredibly attuned. My overthinking brain listens between the lines. It’s part of how I create a safe space for people to feel fully seen. So now, instead of trying to stop it, I practice grounding it. I turn the volume down just enough to stay curious and open, without letting it spin out.

Gentle Tools I Use (And Share with Clients)

When I catch myself spiraling, I come back to:

• “Is this helpful right now?” Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s just my anxiety stretching before bedtime.

• “Would I talk to a friend like this?” If not, I soften the tone.

• Naming it: “Oh, hello, overthinking. You’re back. I must care about this.”

• Pausing: Giving myself a little container— “I’ll think about this for five more minutes, then I’ll come back to it tomorrow if I need to.”

  
  

These moments help me remember I don’t have to think my way to safety. I can feel my way there, too.

A Note to Fellow Overthinkers

If you’re the kind of person who says “sorry, just one more thing” and then proceeds to explain your entire thought process (again)… I get it.

If your friends say, “you think too much” and you immediately start overthinking that—you are so not alone.

You just have a brain that wants to connect the dots, that doesn’t let things go easily, that cares. And when you offer that same care inward—with humor, compassion, and boundaries—it becomes a strength. Especially when used in service of understanding yourself and others more deeply.

You don’t have to fix your overthinking. Just get to know it. Befriend it. Let it work with you, not against you. And maybe, in the quiet moments, remind yourself you’re already doing better than you think.