Striving with Narrative Therapy

Based on the feedback I received from my last post, Striving Without Ever Arriving, it seems many of us struggle with the beliefs that keep us perpetually chasing perfectionism and seeking external validation. The trap of "when, then" thinking creates feelings of anxiety that can distort our sense of self-worth. So how do we regulate our anxious thoughts? Narrative therapy offers a transformative way to step outside of that relentless cycle and reclaim your peace. Finding fulfillment involves looking at your life through a new lens—your own values.


Externalizing the Problem


In narrative therapy, we explore the stories we tell ourselves and work to separate our identity from the challenges we face. If you hear your inner voice saying, "I’m never good enough," reframing the thought to a more accurate statement might be, "Perfectionism has been dictating how I measure my worth." When we work to recognize that this endless pursuit of achievement keeps us from noticing what we already have, we can begin to separate ourselves from the problem.


By externalizing the problem, it becomes easier to examine its effects on your life without feeling consumed by it. You can ask questions like; what does perfectionism want me to believe about myself? What happens if I stop listening?


Unpacking the Influence of the Problem


Endless striving for external approval feeds self-doubt and anxiety. Narrative therapy dives into how these patterns were formed and how they’ve shaped your current story. Together, we can explore:

  • When did this story of "striving for worth" begin?

  • What has perfectionism or anxiety cost me in terms of peace, relationships, or self-compassion?

  • What values or strengths have helped me resist these narratives, even in small ways?

These reflections create space for you to see the power you have to choose a different path forward.


Re-authoring Your Life


Rewriting your narrative doesn’t mean dismissing the struggles you’ve faced—it means embracing them as part of a bigger story about growth, resilience, and clarity. Through narrative therapy, you can identify the values that matter most to you—peace, connection, creativity, etc.—and explore how they can guide your decisions.


Together, we begin by telling a story where you are the main character, not perfectionism or anxiety. For example, if we reframe the fisherman’s story from the previous post into your own life, you can ask yourself, "What if I’ve already achieved some of the peace, connection, or purpose I’ve been chasing? How can I enjoy these moments today before constantly chasing the next goal?"


The Gentle Practice of Self-Compassion


Narrative therapy also invites us to recognize that being human is inherently messy. You can learn to honor the moments of progress without demanding perfection from yourself. Ask yourself, what would it look like to show myself the same compassion I offer to a friend? What small steps could I take today that align with my own values?


An Invitation to the Journey


Your life is a story, and every day you have an opportunity to turn the page. Narrative therapy doesn’t offer quick fixes but invites you to explore your story with curiosity, acceptance, and hope. It’s a chance to pause the chase and focus on what truly matters: embracing who you are, right here, right now.


Story mapping is an excellent tool that helps you visualize the narrative of your life to gain clarity on the patterns holding you back. For the theme of Striving Without Ever Arriving, story mapping can be used to identify the cycles of perfectionism, anxiety, and "when, then" thinking while identifying your strengths, values, and opportunities for change.


Your life is your story. You can rewrite it to reflect the values that matter most to you. If you’re ready to turn the page, let’s start mapping your journey together—in person appointments are available in San Antonio, and online sessions throughout Texas.

Jan 27, 2025

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(512) 222-4093

hello@thecounselingheart.com

2929 Mossrock, Suite 227, San Antonio, TX 78230